The Art of Apologizing

[saos@ngmo]

You've just made a mistake in doing something that seriously hurt your close friend? You want to apologize but rather haughty and too shy to do it? Or you don't know how to do it delicately? Don't worry. Following these steps might help you a lot.

1. Take the responsibility: The first and most vital step is to admit the guilt. Maybe you realize the mistake right after doing that, or someone let you know your fault.

2. Explain: Another important is to let your friend know that you made the mistake unintentionally and you feel really terrible for have been hurting him or her.

3. Prove your remorse: If you apologize with an indifferent face and phlegmatic manner, then the problem will probably be worse. Express sincerely your remorse for your mistake. "I feel so penitent for have spoken out your secret. I'm very ashamed of myself" may be a good way to convey that.

4. Correct your mistake: After great effort in apologizing, there will be no good results if you don't take action. If you damage someone's instruments, for example, you should ask for permission to fix it or buy a new one for her. You should ask your friend whether you can give some help. Also, giving a small but significant gift be another good way to improve the situation.

5. Choose the right moment: If you make a trifling mistake, like knocking against somebody, correct it right then. Don't do it the following day. Your relationships may be worsened much if your friend's anger is accumulated for a long period of time.

If your problem is more serious, like wouding your friend in his honour, then you should think of your apology carefully. In these cases, don't say an immediate apology, because it can turn out to be affected, unhonest in the victim's eyes. Remember, it doesn't matter who win or who lose. It is vital that you can conserve a good relationship.

Tips:

    * Admit your guilt to your friend as soon as possible.
    * Speak a clear, straightforward apology, try to avoid ambiguousness, equivocalness. If there is any mitigative and reasonable excuse, don't forget to mention it.
    * The voice is the most important part. Speak as honestly as possible. Avoid such 'general' apologies as "I'm sorry for what happened to you" or "I feel ashamed for my act." But, remember this, saying "It's completely my fault" is very dangerous. Avoid it.
    * After apologizing, stay silent, and listen sicerely your friend saying her feelings. The apology, thanks to that, will be more effective.
    * Promise to compensate for damage if needed, but don't promise to do what you can't. If you do, you'll soon become the target of another anger in the future.


http://pxtruong.wordpress.com/2007/04/04/the-art-of-apologizing/